Before you continue reading this blog, stop what you are doing and go watch the vlogbrothers video called Perspective. Here I will link it for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ooCeoh6608
So, I started the day out knowing my plan for the day. Work, take Jordan to half priced books, come home, Everything was going according to plan and I was ok with that. Sometimes, the days you have planned out completely are the best days. Anyways I am just going about my day when I see him. Not the him I had mentioned before, He is looooong gone and I hope he says that way. This him, is wow. I didn’t know him that well when I first met him but I was completely enamored. He was so charming and so handsome that I found myself trying so hard to be able to understand and be moved by poetry just to impress him. In my own weird/shy/terrified way I was flirting with him. Even had a class with him once and when he was there, we didn’t talk too much. I even brought him back a little something from England but I didn’t see him for 3 weeks afterwards and gave up. Eventually, he started dating a girl. MUCH prettier than myself, someone who the public would expect to see him with. Despite the fact that I had gotten tired of being ignored just on a friend level and had “moved on” it stung a bit. I honestly hadn’t thought about him again until last week when for some reason I went on a Facebook friend purge (not something to do when you’re already sad) and he was a casualty. I was proud. I was like ” You go girl! This is you officially moving on. Woo!”
… then I saw him. I freaked, Did the whole “did he see me? If I hide behind my Hobbit will he come find me? (hyperventilating)” For being 26 years old I TOTALLY played it cool. Not. I completely doubted myself and my feelings for the rest of he day. I was completely knocked back and started wondering if I had made the right decision. Was it worth it? I wasn’t expecting to go back to that completely terrified person I was. It sat in the back of my mind the rest of the day and then I came home and was hanging out with my sisters.
We had started watching YouTube videos on our blu-ray player. I had made a sale to some nerdfighters on Friday night (it was AWESOME! DFTBA) and so I was showing Jordan some of my personal favorite videos of theirs when I remembered the Perspective video. Jordan, Gracie, and my madre’ were all like “Whoa.” when it was over. I remember feeling the same way when I first saw it but it resonated so much more with me today than it had before because now I am actually trying valiantly to live with purpose. There are going to be days where I struggle and wonder if I will ever have the dream life I want for myself. My dream life is realistic, married to a British man, living in a castle with our 5 kids.
No, seriously, I just want to find a guy that loves me, no strings attached and have some babies. I want to be a wife and a mom more than I can describe. For right now though, I am pretty ok with being the fabulous person I am 😉 What really struck me about John’s video is when he says ” you can’t know what an experience will mean to future you until you ARE future you.” and I was just like damn. Ok. This was the kick in the pants I needed (…again).
All in all, my day threw me a curve ball and I handled it a bit better than I would have in the past. I hope this revelation of mine helped you in some way or seeing John’s video will help you like it did me. Have a wonderful day and I will leave you with my Goodreads quote of the day for today:
Whatever it is you’re seeking won’t come in the form you’re expecting.- Haruki Murakami