January 11, 2014

Before you continue reading this blog, stop what you are doing and go watch the vlogbrothers video called Perspective. Here I will link it for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ooCeoh6608

So, I started the day out knowing my plan for the day. Work, take Jordan to half priced books, come home, Everything was going according to plan and I was ok with that. Sometimes, the days you have planned out completely are the best days. Anyways I am just going about my day when I see him. Not the him I had mentioned before, He is looooong gone and I hope he says that way. This him, is wow. I didn’t know him that well when I first met him but I was completely enamored. He was so charming and so handsome that I found myself trying so hard to be able to understand and be moved by poetry just to impress him. In my own weird/shy/terrified way I was flirting with him. Even had a class with him once and when he was there, we didn’t talk too much. I even brought him back a little something from England but I didn’t see him for 3 weeks afterwards and gave up. Eventually, he started dating a girl. MUCH prettier than myself, someone who the public would expect to see him with. Despite the fact that I had gotten tired of being ignored just on a friend level and had “moved on” it stung a bit. I honestly hadn’t thought about him again until last week when for some reason I went on a Facebook friend purge (not something to do when you’re already sad) and he was a casualty. I was proud. I was like ” You go girl! This is you officially moving on. Woo!”

… then I saw him. I freaked, Did the whole “did he see me? If I hide behind my Hobbit will he come find me? (hyperventilating)”   For being 26 years old I TOTALLY played it cool. Not. I completely doubted myself and my feelings for the rest of he day. I was completely knocked back and started wondering if I had made the right decision. Was it worth it? I wasn’t expecting to go back to that completely terrified person I was. It sat in the back of my mind the rest of the day and then I came home and was hanging out with my sisters.

We had started watching YouTube videos on our blu-ray player. I had made a sale to some nerdfighters on Friday night (it was AWESOME! DFTBA) and so I was showing Jordan some of my personal favorite videos of theirs when I remembered the Perspective video. Jordan, Gracie, and my madre’ were all like “Whoa.” when it was over. I remember feeling the same way when I first saw it but it resonated so much more with me today than it had before because now I am actually trying valiantly to live with purpose. There are going to be days where I struggle and wonder if I will ever have the dream life I want for myself. My dream life is realistic, married to a British man, living in a castle with our 5 kids.

No, seriously, I just want to find a guy that loves me, no strings attached and have some babies. I want to be a wife and a mom more than I can describe. For right now though, I am pretty ok with being the fabulous person I am 😉 What really struck me about John’s video is when he says ” you can’t know what an experience will mean to future you until you ARE future you.” and I was just like damn. Ok. This was the kick in the pants I needed (…again).

All in all, my day threw me a curve ball and I handled it a bit better than I would have in the past. I hope this revelation of mine helped you in some way or seeing John’s video will help you like it did me. Have a wonderful day and I will leave you with my Goodreads quote of the day for today:

Whatever it is you’re seeking won’t come in the form you’re expecting.- Haruki Murakami

Much love!

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2 thoughts on “January 11, 2014

  1. So, your post, and John Green’s quote, reminded me of a study that basically found that humans have an issue of understanding our future selves. Like, we perceive our future selves as totally different people (which is why procrastinating is so easy). And, we kind of are.

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