Not settling for good enough, some revelations I have made during re-reading

This has just been something on my heart for a while now. The books that I had been re-reading were just kind of a catapult into blogging about it. My sister Jordan, as I said in an earlier blog, has decided to title herself, AZ, and me ” The Best Friends Gang”. She jokingly said that she hates it when 2/3rds of the “bfg” gang up on her and side together. This being that AZ and I think a lot a like. Especially concerning vacations. Vacations=site seeing and fitting in as much activity as possible. So I told her that “I guess that would mean it was my job to date/marry a guy with her temperament.” She agreed. So that had got me thinking yet again about Mr. Right. Currently, Jordan thinks that it should be Benedict Cumberbatch. I would NEVER turn him down. That’s for sure. Especially after seeing this:

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Yet I am trying to force myself to live in reality. This has been very very hard to do. It’s a daily struggle. That brings me to to the book I was re-reading. There was a teen series I latched onto in middle/high school called ‘The Christy Miller Series’ by Robin Jones Gunn. It was wonderful. I later found out that she continued the series with ‘Todd and Christy: The College Years’. Needless to day I nearly had a heart attack from sheer excitement of an author actually giving me a conclusion to a love story! Well, as much as possible anyways. This collection:

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is what has got me through the hard times and made me remember why I am waiting. What I love most about this series is that it is not unbelievable. The characters are very real, with flaws and all, it’s not set in a supernatural world or 100 years in the past (I love Historical books!). It. Is. Real.

People that have known me for a while used to hear me say ” I’m waiting for my Todd.” That came from this series. Do I expect a blonde surfer dude? No. Not at all. What I do what is someone with his qualities. I want someone that is unafraid to say/show that he loves me. That is a huge deal for me. My parents and grandparents relationships were very one sided. I always saw my mom showering everyone around her with love and kindness but all she got was bitter words and coldest from the man she married. It was rare to see my parents display any kind of PDA, even holding hands, so I think that is why I am absolutely yearning for a man unafraid to love me. “Todd” loves God, loves his wife, and loves people. Simple.

Well, it should be. Sadly there are so many “frogs” out there that it is a little hard to want to venture out into that again. To be quite honest I am scared.  I am mostly scared of happiness.  I feel that like Madeline Bray(Nicholas Nickleby), I “see the world as so conniving, you cannot take pleasure in the appearance of something good… because you suspect… it is only a painted drop behind which other troubles lie.” My goals with starting this blog.diary year of adventure is to break myself of that. Re reading the Todd and Christy book has reminded me that love is out there, love is real, and it is not always a fairy tale (because that is not real) but it can definitely make you feel like a princess.

So, here it is. I am going to make an effort to stop being so terrified of happiness and live in the moment. I am going to enjoy this time until my “Todd” comes along and I know that there was a reason for the waiting.

(The hard part is going to be following my own advice)

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