It’s been so long that I actually got a reminder email from WordPress. I am ashamed of myself. I apologize ladies and gents. I won’t make excuses but I do hope you know that I am trying to make sure that whatever I post is actually something worth a read. I’m not saying it will always be insightful BUT I want to write more than just
“Hey guys, went to work. Made dinner. Watched (insert show here) with Jordan. Went to bed.”
So, onto the topic at hand.
I’ve lived in my own place with my sister for a little over 5 months now. It has been AWESOME! Despite the fact that we were all basically snowed in for about 3 of those 5 months. I’ve been realizing more and more just how happy I am to be there and out on my own. I have a space that is mine(and Jordan’s) and it is more than just a room it’s a home. MY home.
I do want to say though that I have absolutely been happy in places before. Like London (who’s shocked), my Grams house, with my family, with my friends, etc.. My mom tried her best when we moved to the house we have now but she was about 6 months pregnant with the brother at the time. It’s not very easy to completely pack and unpack a home while carrying a baby I would imagine. The movers my dad “hired” (insert eye roll) ended up backing into our house and cracking the foundation. This lead to many many problems that I won’t delve into. I feel bad talking about this because I don’t want this to come out the wrong way but my “home” like the structure, the bricks and mortar and what have you, has not been a happy place. Let’s just say my mom was the person trying to keep the dam from exploding while taking care of 5 kids, working, home schooling, and much more. While I am nothing without my family, “home” that little end of the street structure, was not where my heart is.
I think that’s why this place means so much to me. Why I am so hesitant to leave it. I’m afraid it will crumble before I’ve had a chance to really enjoy it . I think that’s why I have semi become a hermit (well that and paying rent/bills=less money for fun things). I love my home and I want it to stay that way.
In a way, it kind of goes back to what I wanted this blog to be about. I want to stop living life like Madeline Bray where my view of happiness is limited. ” To see the world as so conniving, you cannot take pleasure in the appearance of something good… because you suspect… it is only a painted drop behind which other troubles lie.” I need to believe that life has something good in store for me and stop experiencing life with fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
That being said, I am so very grateful to have friends and family that understand this about me… for the most part anyways.
Hope you all are having a VERY wonderful week
Lots of Love from me