Late Night Musings

A few blogs back, I mentioned I had decided to take the plunge and try online dating. It really made sense to me at the time and I thought it would be a great way to meet a guy. However, I have not been successful.

The one guy I got close to and moved passed the beginning questions like ” which indoor activity sounds the most fun to you a, b, c, d, or write your own” seemed to be the prime example of what I feared the most. Pretty perfect. Odd right? Perfect has been my fear all along. It got a bit worse. After about 24-48 hours of knowing each other he was already asking questions I found incredibly uncomfortable. Not in a rude way but just a bit too personal and a bit to much for people that don’t even know each other’s last names and I had no idea what he looked like! Ok, he DID send me a pic of him and his brother… From Halloween… In costume. Does anyone else think that’s weird? He could see my face from my profile but I get a pic of him in costume?

I am the first to admit, being truly happy with a nice guy is what I want most in this world. At the same time, it scares the hell out of me. I was made to feel guilty again this evening for not giving this guy more of a chance and I just need to get a few things off my chest.

I am TERRIFIED of being stuck to a guy like my mom was. My dad had no real career goals and was perfectly happy staying in this area and blaming my mom for his misfortunes.

Another thing, I want to live in a world where it is semi believable that a man like Harry Kennedy would fall for a girl like Geraldine Granger. That liking a girl for what’s inside and because you just mesh so well is still a possibility. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe having a love that “time will lie down and be still for” is just a thing of the past and stuff of fairy tales.

I know my head is laced with tons of scenarios from countless books that I am just waiting to see played out for me. I know there is no guy pining out there wishing he’d asked me out when he had the chance… But it’s so nice to think that’s a possibility. I don’t need a knight on a white horse, I would just like some one who didn’t ask me what my allergies were right off the bat.

Like my title says, these were some late night musings full of random thoughts and feelings so take from it what you will. 🙂 Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.


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