Doomed To Repeat

Hello again friends!

This post might not make sense to many people but I really felt the need to put my feelings down. I don’t want to start any kind of fight, I just need to share.

The 6th of December, President Obama aired a Presidential Address to the United States. I  know most people moan and groan about it interupting whatever TV show they were currently watching but I am so glad I saw this on Sunday.

You can find more info and a video of the address here.

These are all opinions and thoughts I had that may or may not be shared by others but here is what I want to say. That address made me feel a lot of emotions.

One of my first thoughts was about how there we were the day before the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Listening to a Presidential Address in a room surrounded by people I love and care for talking about the threats on the American people. I thought to myself, did they feel like this? With the threat of America’s invovlment in WW2 hours away from becoming a reality, did they look around and take stock in what they had? In a time of econmic strife were they thankful for their lives and people that loved them? I’m sure they were. I’m sure they were not thinking of getting whatever the hot new item was that Christmas. It hurts me to think, and I do this too, how much we have lost those core values. I paused. I looked at my mom and all of my siblings. I thought about my niece or nephew growing in my sister’s stomach and how it is oblivious to this world going on outside the safe home my sister is providing for it right now. I thought about how incredibly blessed I am to be alive, be able to support myself, and how blessed I am for each person sitting in that living room with me.

As President Obama continued further into the address, the reality of what others might be thinking started to seep into my mind. All the hateful slurs I am sure people were more than willing to throw at our President and the people that live here. It made me sad but it also made me very happy for my degree: History. Something people are ok to dismiss as boring dates and unimportant facts is one of the things I am most passionate about. Want to know a big reason why? History repeats itself when people do not listen. It brews hate. It brews fear and that gets us no where. It has turned brother against brother, neighbor against neighbor, time and time again. All because fear is one of the most driving factors in every human being. When we get scared, we lash out. That will help no one. I do not want to live in an era where camps of any kind exist again under the disguise of safety. People, when will we learn?! This breaks my heart. Countless times we have seen that this does not work.

Additionally, I can’t stand to listen to some people we want to someday lead our country talk about what they think are the easiest way to keep people out. Again, back to History, our country is a country of misfits. We wanted to make a better place to live, a much more free place to live. I honestly think that  in 239 years (I’m giving people the benifit of the doubt and starting in 1776) we still do not have that. We won’t have that until people, ALL people, are willing to work together for a common goal.

Really, all I am trying to do is like many people, I am trying to not let the very real threats that have now become a day to day occurance stop me from living my life. I want to enjoy the time I have with my family, with my friends, and in a world where greed and power does not lead over morals. I want people to be kind and to smile at one another again. All I could think about as the speech neared its conclusion and tears filled my eyes was just how far away we all have strayed from the values that formed this country we all love so much.

We should stop listening to muckrakers and the media. Do your own research, be informed!

America, let’s please wake up now and not become a “boring fact” or statistic. Let’s be a GOOD example again.

We should of listened when Washington said no parties.

We should have listened when God said “…Love your neighbor as yourself…”.

 

Blog for today

I am writing something to write something for today. I wrote a short but moving peice about why I love Chirstian Fiction and the computer froze and now it is gone. I just wanted to add a picture :(. Oh well such is my life.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day.

Thankful in Novmebr: books.

E Harmony: For reals this time

I have honestly put off trying the online dating scene again.

Why? Because it was terrifying the 2 times I tried it. Absolutely terrifying. Also, I just don’t have the money to afford that.

I resigned myself to waiting for someone to fall out of the air in a perfect movie magic moment and BAM! True Love! (I know this would never happen btw).

Well, my co-worker Anita mentioned her son’s success with E Harmony and they were having a 78% off sale so I thought, why not?! This way I can actually SEE the guys and not just cartoon shadows, be able to interact via the website and see where it leads.

So far, no terrifying people! Yay! Plus there! We’re only 2 days into this new venture though and time will tell!

I will say, one guy from North Carolina was very persistent in communicating with me. Completely missing the “I want kids someday and you CLEARLY don’t” message I kept sending. He, thankfully, got it eventually.

I hadn’t really thought about my views and disappointments regarding my lack of a significant other until Caitlin reminded me a few weeks ago that I am “always living in a Jane Austen novel. Women are married at 15 in those!” In a way, its true. I do indeed live in a Jane Austen novel.

What happened to people TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER?! The incredibly sweet moment of asking to court a girl and all the balls and the clothing!

Before anyone starts, I am well aware of all of the “down sides” to that time period. I promise. I would DEFINITELY miss running, clean, water and much more.

However, people now go out of their way to not communicate with a living human being. We order our pizzas via apps and websites, we blog, we Facebook, and more. How are we supposed to meet someone after high school/college other than the internet? How do we make connections when our gut reaction is to grab our cell phone, or electronic device, or in my case a book to hide us from the world.

In keeping with the Austen theme, I desperately want a Henry Tilney. Everyone and their brother can go on and on about Mr. Darcy this and Mr. Darcy that but give me Henry any day. What I like the most about him, HE’S REAL! He is an honest guy with a fairly crazy family who falls in love with a normal girl. There is no added wealth or brooding or hurtful jabs at the person’s lower station in life.

In fact, he doesn’t even love Catherine at first. He finds her naive and vulnerable and you know what, he DOES NOT take advantage of her! That is what I am hoping for. Someone who does not see my incredible lack in the dating scene as something to abuse. Here’s hoping! 🙂

henry and catherine

will you

The cutest scene ever

Anyways, I am trying very hard to remain positive and not cynical about this.

Thankful in November: for the people in my life

Bookselling

Let me first say, I am greatful that I have 2 jobs which have allowed me to do a lot more that I ever thought. Also, I know a lot of worse places to have a second job than in a bookstore. Especially if you love books as much as me 🙂

  • I first of all hate “selling” books just to sell them. I know it’s not the correct thing but I will tell you when I have not read a book. It is not in my nature to just say “You should buy this because the company says so” can’t do it. However, I will tell you what I have heard and which I prefer.
  • The best feeling in the world is when someone actually purchases a book you love and you suggested! Especially if its an author you’ve loved for years (still happy about Bella reading The Mediator!!!!). I will use this moment to say everyone should buy The Royal We (Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan) and Tiffany Girl (Deeanne Giest) because they are AMAZING
  • As we approach the holidays, please be patient with me and I will be patient with you. Meaning, I know you will forget your shopping list with the book titles and authors. You though need to know that there are way too many books in the world that are “red and has something to do with a girl” so it is going to take me a bit to narrow that down since I am not a mind reader.
  • This is just a personal note for me but I am BEGGING YOU to please do not call a bookstore and say “Hi! I’m looking for a book.” Really?! Are you?! Thank the Lord because I was worried we would run out of those! GAH! I have to hold my breath and count to ten everytime I hear that. I am so glad you came to a bookstore to look for a book. Could you please narrow it down from the thousands we have in the store? Instead please say “Hi! I am looking for ‘Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book. Do you have any in stock?” 
  • To all the lovely people who want to purchase my Christian Fiction books. You are without a doubt my favorite people in the world. So much love for you. Yet, I do need to say I am more aware than anyone how very little stock and variety of books I have. I PROMISE you I am working my butt off on that. Buy something that does interest you, even a little, and help get my sales up!

Even though there are little quirks and annoying bits of the trade (too many to tell here) I am so lucky. For a few days a week I get to tell people why I love books… And get paid for it!

Thankful in November: the ability to have a job

Previously My Life…

Ten points if you get the reference

Hello all! Well, Blog-o-wri-mo (or whatever I want to call it) has gotten off to a great start. 😉 Its November 3rd for the 1st blog. Ah well.

So, as stated, previously my life:

  • I have become absolutely obsessed with the BBC TV show Miranda
  • Same for the Great British Baking Show/Off
  • One sister got married
  • I’ve moved house

Since Kimmy had to go and marry the man of her dreams (who is awesome) I was left without my super amazing roommate. I did look into a place by myself but instead, decided to find a place big enough to accomodate myself, my 2 younger siblings and my mom.

This has been terrifying for me to admit to anyone for the longest time other than my other siblings and my Grams.

I know I should want and crave independence. In my own ways I do crave it and enjoy it but I hate watching one of my siblings suffer for something they didn’t do/deserve. Our house is going to need some major work done on it over time and this way everyone wins. I’m not suffering with rent/bills on my own and my siblings and mom have a place to be and live and work on our place at their own speed.

Plus, my siblings are THE BEST. I wish I could spend all my time hanging out with them.

I have been teased quite a lot by a certain person at work for my need to constantly rescue my family. I’m sorry. That’s just what I do. So, I hid it as long as I could there.

Also the first friend I told, when not checking her cell phone, gave me so many wierd looks. Like she couldn’t possibly understand why I would want to go back to living with my family. So, needless to say I was terrified to tell anyone else.

Guess what, the people that MATTERED to me understood and were supportive. Their support has meant so much to me with this. I love them so much.

The nights I spent at my old place by myself, without Kimmy and her stuff while I was moving was THE WORST. I do not do well on my own. Not at all.

Well, before I loose another day (this was mostly written yesterday) I will post this short and sweet one to get something out there haha

To all my friends participating in Nanowrimo-enjoy! Can’t wait to see what you write!

Have an awesome November everyone!

Thankful in November: Music that speaks to you right when you need it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=273eSvOwpKk

Courting Emily and Lorie’s Heart: A Review

I am sad to admit this but I have been going through a slump with books for a while.

When I graduated from my very reading intense degree (History) I couldn’t devour “fun” books fast enough. Then I started working at a bookstore. It was like a dream come true! Books EVERYWHERE, a discount on said books AND the wonder that is ARC books. Oh Advance Reader Copies, how I love you.

Then the pressure hit me. Reading books to hand sell books, getting books I have no interest in reading, never getting books in I could sell. I stopped reading when it books were picked for me. I just couldn’t take it anymore.

You see, I am pretty devoted to my own personalized genre of books. I primarily read Christian Fiction, certain YA books, some History, some Fiction, some Romance, and some classics. I’m even pickier within those genres. It HAS to be light, fluffy, and happy romance type books. I hate wasting my time on reading something depressing-no matter if it makes you have “the feels” or re-evaluate your life. No. I cry enough thanks.

So I was stumbling around looking for something new in my “genre” of choice: Christian Fiction. I was coming up with very little in the way of variety. Then, in December, I was introduced to Amy Lillard via the 12 Brides of Christmas e-books for the Advent season. Her book, the Gingerbread Bride was probably my favorite of the 12 weeks and I started reading through her works.

I have absolutely loved all the ones I have read so far but I connected the most with books 2 and 3 in the Wells Landing series. Courting Emily and Lorie’s Heart. What I loved was that they were NEW ideas. They felt fresh and didn’t follow the same old same old with Amish fiction that I have come to see and expect. As a bibliophile, and avid reader, I am ashamed to admit at times I skip ahead and read the last 2 chapters if I feel the story is not moving anywhere. I have yet to do that with Amy’s books.

Before I launch into how much I loved books 2 and 3, I want to mention I in no way did not enjoy book one Caroline’s Secret, I just felt more of a connection to the other 2.

First off, Courting Emily. **Be Warned Spoilers**

I loved it. I absolutely loved it.

For the first time, in a long time, I felt like I could connect with the hero of the story. Elam loved Emily from afar for as long as he could remember. There’s another man in the way of them ever being together (Emily’s longtime boyfriend Luke) but in addition, Elam has his own problems.

His father was kicked in the head by one of their dairy cows. He was lucky to survive but it landed him with a childlike outlook on the world. His once strong and capable Father now had trouble walking from room to room on his own. The family responsibilities and running their dairy now fall to Elam. How is he supposed to court anyone with this added burden, let alone the love of his life who is now unexpectedly single?

I loved this book so much because I know what it is like to shoulder familial burdens. Burdens, which should not be yours to carry in the first place due to a freak accident or because of someone realizing that “fatherhood is just too hard”. I needed this book because it restored my waning Faith in that all things truly do work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

Emily brought a fresh outlook on life and love to the Rhiel family. She helped with chores, she helped them heal, and found her heart softening towards Elam along the way.

Both she and Elam faced troubles, faced a crisis of faith (mostly in each other) and were too stubborn for their own good. Ultimately, there was a happy ending but what I love about the Wells Landing series is that they’re real. Real situations, real struggles, real heartache, REAL RESOLUTIONS.

I cannot say enough good things about this book.

Before I get into Lorie’s heart I want to thank Amy and NetGalley for giving me the opportunity to read this advance e-book. I am honored to have been able to read it  🙂

Lorie’s Heart **SPOILERS AHEAD**

This book surprised me. I was not expecting the turn it was going to take.

More surprisingly, I didn’t expect to LIKE the turn it took! I think that’s what shocked me the most.

Lorie’s world is shaken by the death of her father. Upon his passing she finds out her father was living a double life (or so she thought).

Lorie goes on a journey of discovery as to who her father was and finds herself along the way. Never feeling like she fit in completely with the Amish the new information found on her father after his death drives Lorie to experience the English world.

I was very afraid that this would be another “love drove him/her to join/leave the Amish faith and because they have love nothing bad will happen” book. But, I love Amy’s books and she had already written a book like that (but it was AWESOME and I loved it and was not cut and dry like I made it seem above) so I kept reading.

I am so glad I did. I started reading it at about 7 pm and finished it at 7am before rushing off to work. THAT is how good it was. I stayed up late and woke up early because I HAD to know.

I loved the twist that Lorie was never Amish. Yes, she was raised as one but her father had hidden him and his daughter in plain sight to hide from his deceased wife’s family. They wanted Lorie and they had the money to fight for her. Henry took his daughter and ran. Too little to know the truth, Lorie assimilated, as did Henry and felt restlessness inside and had a talent for painting that she couldn’t explain and did not want to give up.

Through many twists and turns, Lorie finds the truth, finds 2 grandmas, finds herself, and finds love.

Both of these books were amazing and I highly recommend them and Amy’s other books. You should DEFINITELY check her out!

Say Yes to the Dress

Before I begin I want to say “No this is not a review of the show” and “It is sadly not about wedding dresses”.

This is about a very particular dress.

Almost 3 years ago now I was very happily shopping for a cute new dress to wear to my best friend’s wedding. A little bit nicer than just a summer dress but also light enough for a summer wedding. As I’m sure most of you know not only is this challenging it can also mean you would be dropping a bit of change on one. I was SO lucky to find a gorgeous dress (with pockets! ladies celebrate with me) on sale for.. wait for it… SEVENTEEN DOLLARS!!! WHHHHAAAAAAA? Needless to say, I took this only as a sign of good things to come because I immediately found an adorable navy shrug that matched perfectly-also on sale!

Not the best picture but it was the best I could do this morning ;)

Not the best picture but it was the best I could do this morning 😉

So, I went to Elizabeth’s wedding (check her blog out btw) wearing my new dress. I was a bit self conscious, I won’t lie. I’m not at an ideal weight by any means and but I knew that I would be welcomed with open arms and encouragement.. and I was right.  Everyone was so encouraging and loving and complimentary. **I want to quickly say I’m not trying to fish for compliments or sound full of myself but the contrast will make sense shortly.**

Here is all of us dancing away (sorry for stealing this from your FB Elizabeth!)

Dancing away! :)

Dancing away! 🙂

I decided to ride the wave of excitement and wear it to the convocation at my new job. We were told to dress up as if we were going to a wedding or to church. I thought “this is a dress that makes me feel good about myself, and my body”. I should have heeded my original fears.

As I am sure EVERY woman can agree sometimes you do everything right to try to replicate an outfit and one piece doesn’t work, doesn’t go together, issues with static, etc. Well- that day my mom had to take me to work. I don’t remember why now, all I remember is that for what ever reason, I would be stuck until 4:30. Well, the outfit did not work out. The static from my pantyhose was causing friction with the dress causing the skirt to rise causing me to compensate by pulling it down. This counteracted with the bra I was wearing. I was at my wits end and choking back tears when I decide to rig my shrug shut with a bent open paper clip. That’s when it all started.

  • I was told to pull my dress up no less than 4 times.
    • As if I didn’t realize. I’m sorry did you miss the tear stains and the paper clip? Do I give off the vibe that I WANT to flaunt myself?
  • At the end of the day I was told about what is considered appropriate work attire
    • I was 25 years old at the time. I know how to dress and what is appropriate. (You are wearing a SWEAT suit!)

No one was gracious or caring or understanding. I was crying and hurting and I have STILL been made fun of. I mentioned about how embarrassed I was over the way I was treated over a simple misunderstanding to a co worker, how I went home and cried to my mom for a solid hour over it when I got off. Her response? ” Oh! I would have LOVED to have seen that. “MOOOOOM everyone made me cry because my boobs were hanging out”. So… yeah.

Now, I am sorry for the sad bit but what I wanted to say was this. That dress, has hung in my closet unworn and unused out of fear for nearly 3 years now. It went from a great reminder of a great day to one of the worst and uncomfortable reminders of my life. The thing is, I know I looked good in that dress and I know it was just ONE wardrobe error that mean people won’t let go of.

So-my point- I’m wearing it again. To the VIP night at the Bookstore I work for. Sadly, I am not brave enough to wear it to my full time job before hand but I will be running home in the hour in between and swapping out fits. I will attempt to channel all of the good and happy thoughts that I received while trying to drown out the bad memories.

I’ve decided I am tired of being made to feel this way and I AM going to say yes to this dress again… and enjoy every minute of it.

Lots of love-

Me